When Men Behave Badly

Every woman will face times when the men in her life – father, husband, son – behave in imperfect, even ungodly ways. For any woman, young or old, those times can be frightening and wearisome. 
  • What is the right response to the imperfections, immaturity, weaknesses, flaws, failures, etc. in our menfolk?
  • What can we do to protect our households and families from an “out of order” man’s dangerous decisions or behavior?
  • If our men are “broken” spiritually (i.e. don’t pray, don’t know the word, won’t step into their place in the Body of Christ, etc.), are we up the creek without a paddle as far as spiritual authority, answered prayers and the protection and blessing of God on our family?
  • How can we submit to and trust someone as the leader of our household when he is misbehaving?
  • Where do we go to get our needs met while our husbands are “under construction”?

Know who YOU are.

You are God’s daughter, the Lord God Almighty is your Daddy. He loves you unconditionally and knows exactly where you are and what’s going on in your life, and what’s going on in your husband’s life.

(Gal 3:28)You are a full-fledged member of the Body of Christ, with all the rights and privileges of membership in the family of God and citizenship in heaven, regardless of the spiritual condition of your husband.

Jesus is your spiritual head, and He is your husband’s spiritual head. Your husband has delegated authority from God as the head of your household. God will call him on the carpet concerning the state of your household and the role he played in that condition. (If your husband were your spiritual head, or your “priest,” he could determine whether you got saved or not, whether you could pray or not. He would be a “mediator” between you and God, 1 Tim 2:5)

Trust God for YOU.

(1 Peter 3:6) Sarah trusted God and respected Abraham. We trust God with our lives, our children, our finances, our homes, and we respect our husbands. Submission (which is a kind of four-letter word for most of us) is a “respectful response.” It is NOT blind agreement or cowering under a tyrant’s abusive control.

    (Isa 54:5) Your MAKER is your husband. You are individually and corporately the Bride of Christ. If you were the only Christian on the planet ever, you’d still be His Bride, right? Where your earthly husband misses the boat, you go to your heavenly husband (God) and put in your requests  for companionship and intimacy, affection, or for the washing machine to be fixed or the grass to get mowed. BEWARE going outside your Blood Covenants to get those needs met. Don’t put God in a box as to HOW those needs are met, either, keep your eyes open for His working.

      (1 Sam 25) When the man in question wants to do something stupid (there is no human being on the planet, male or female, who is immune to stupidity), don’t REACT, respectfully respond with consideration. Then PRAY and let God work. Even if your man goes ahead with his plan, God is well able to take care of you and your household anyway.

      Men Under Construction
      • You aren’t going to fix him. Settle it right now and leave it be. He may try to get you to fix him, but the help he needs comes from God, because you aren’t his savior. You are not responsible for his spiritual condition, so don’t accept that responsibility! He has free will just like you do.
      • Thank God for him. Surely there is something you can dredge up to thank God for about the guy. In other words, change your focus from fretting about him not measuring up to your inflated expectations of a Christian man, and focus on his unique skills, abilities, strengths, and positive qualities. When you want to complain, say, “Thank you God, for the wonderful man I married. He is the perfect husband for me.” (Proverbs 14:1)
      • Love him. Love COVERS a multitude of sins. Not condones, covers. (Prov 10:12, 17:9) Cover it, don’t expose it!
      • Forgive him. Unforgiveness produces bitterness, and a little bitterness spoils the whole pot… what you don’t forgive, God can’t change. (John 20:23)
      • Speak well of him at all times. No “man-bashing.” The words you speak affect him, whether he hears them or not. Negative words, condemning words, doubting words, will cause him to withdraw from you and seek approval elsewhere. Don’t castrate the man with your mouth. (Proverbs 31:12)
      • Ask God for a prayer strategy. Every situation is different. Ask God for specific scriptures, words, phrases, even songs, that you can pray for your man. Then be diligent to pray for him consistently. (James 5:16)
      • Be patient when God starts working on him, because he’ll probably be grouchy. Aren’t you grouchy when God is dealing with you? Just keep praying, and speaking, and encouraging, and being sweet.
      • Encourage fellowship with other Christian men. Most men don’t naturally “buddy up” with other guys once they reach adulthood, so this practice may need to be encouraged. Not by nagging them to go to men’s meetings, but by having dinner with other Christian couples, attending things together where the guys will generally gravitate toward “guy” conversations. Pray for God to provide him with godly friendships that will “sharpen him like iron.”
      • You keep going on with God. Don’t try to “fix” him by becoming more “like” him… for example, skipping church to go fishing in the hopes that your spirituality will somehow lift him up. You’ll get dragged down, not the other way around. Don’t get caught in the trap of “I have to submit” so I have to do whatever he wants to do, either.
      • Exercise faith by acting like it’s done, speaking like it’s done, and believing that it’s done, because from the moment you prayed, the tide of the battle turned in God’s favor, and God’s favor is upon you!

      2 thoughts on “When Men Behave Badly

      1. patti says:

        LOVED this post and need it constantly because I am so strong-willed and want to run everything.

        I'll use part of this manana as our Bible study is working through Francine Rivers' Legacy of Grace, and it's really pertinent to our current read, Ruth and Naomi!!!

        SO glad you dropped by my place! Make it a habit, okay???


      2. Niki Turner says:

        Patti, I am HONORED that you find this post helpful for your Bible study!!! That's an answer to prayer. Thank you!
        And yes, I'll be by your place frequently!
        : )

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