Rage against the … plastic package?

I had to get a new cell phone last month. Cell phones, like Barbie, require accessories.  I ordered my Crackberry … I mean Blackberry … case, and the travel charger, and the USB cable, and the car charger, and little plastic screen protectors I think are made of the same stuff as Colorforms.
The screen protectors were packaged in what is known as a “clam shell” plastic package. I fiddled with it, tried to pry it open with my fingernails, and handed it over to my 16-year-old son to work his magic on it with one of his multiple pocketknives. No wrap rage for this girl!I failed to read the directions for putting the thingies on, however, and ended up throwing them out.

Wrap rage is just one of the latest manifestations of anger we’ve defined and labeled. Before wrap rage, we had road rage. And air rage, which has been known to afflict even naturally sweet and good-tempered pastor’s wives (sarcasm intended). Everyone who has ever interacted with a computer has experienced some degree of techno rage (usually manifested by verbal abuse and sometimes physical violence toward electronic equipment). Clinicians have even devised an official name for this “new” disorder: Intermittent Explosive Disorder. They insist these episodes are the result of damage incurred to various regions of the brain. Okay, so if you’ve ever flown into a rage, you’ve probably got brain damage.
I’ve apparently always been prone to raging. Even before it was cool. I’ve got the scars in my eyebrows to prove it. I had a bad habit of slamming cabinet doors open and shut while demanding more juice as a toddler. Even in adulthood, I’ve thrown precious objects, kicked chairs, slammed doors, and walloped my steering wheel until my hands were bruised. Yeah, I know. I’m admitting to brain damage. And your point is?
Seriously. According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, opening packages is a dangerous business, resulting in more than 6,000 emergency room visits annually in the U.S. alone.
So what’s happening to us, as a people, that we can be emotionally overcome by a bit of plastic wrap to the point of inflicting physical harm upon our persons? Is the pressure so great we simply can’t handle it? I don’t think so. Somewhere along the way we’ve accepted our right to be angry and lost the ability to express ourselves without resorting to rage. In the worst cases, that rage results in homicide, terrorism, and all kinds of violence.
What if you didn’t have the right to be angry anymore? What if you HAD to find other means of communicating your feelings? What if, instead of flailing and screaming and throwing that plastic package across the room or stabbing at it with the nearest sharp object, you chose a different response?
You’ll have an opportunity, maybe even today, to overcome some kind of personal rage  explosion. I dare you… choose a new path.
And while you’re at it, you can order this nifty little tool from ThinkGeek.com . (Which is one of the coolest websites I’ve found in weeks, by the way.) It makes me wonder if the inventor of this gadget had a bad case of wrap rage and channeled all that energy into finding a way to overcome it.
Imagine what you could do with your next opportunity to rage, throw a fit, or have a tantrum. You could find a cure for some dread disease, or solve the crisis of slow check-out clerks, or … Get busy, people, the world needs you!

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