Answer the following question honestly: Do you currently have any holey underwear in your possession?
This does not just include actual holes. It includes underwear that are worn down to the elastic, as well as those which no longer resemble their original color. Those panties with the little elastic strings hanging out everywhere are the undergarment equivalent of radial tires so worn down the steel belts are exposed.
Americans spend $13 billion annually on underwear. So why do so many of us hoard those ratty, nasty pairs in the back of the drawer? Unlike worn-out or outgrown jeans, no one is offering to pay you for your old undies. (If they are, you need to run the other way, as quickly as you can!)
Underwear should not be “recycled” via the local Goodwill or Salvation Army thrift store. And there’s something embarrassing about reaching in the household rag bag for a dust cloth or auto repair rag and coming up with a used pair of someone’s whitey-tighties. Seriously. Who wants to dust the coffee table with Dad’s old briefs?
Got old undies? Throw them away. Yes, you heard me. Insert them in the nearest trash receptacle, now!
Next question: Are your underwear holy?
There is a particular religious doctrine which instructs its followers to wear “holy” underwear. I ran across these so-called holy underwear at, of all places, a local Walmart.
I’m not going to debate whether or not the Spirit of the living God dwells in those underwear. God can indwell anyone or anything He so chooses. In the book of Acts, God’s power so saturated cloths touched by the Apostle Paul that people were healed of various diseases when the cloth was laid upon their bodies.
What I am going to say, right or wrong, is that slapping a label on something – underwear, a book, a necklace, or a building – does not in and of itself make that thing holy. Holiness comes from the presence of God in a place, or upon a person, or within an object. When God shows up somewhere, he saturates that person, place, or thing with His holiness.
In that case, I suppose we’re all (as many as have received Him) wearing holy undies… holy tennies… holy T-shirts… holy leather jackets… holy jeans. Hmm. I’m really glad God’s presence is not limited to the holy underwear sold at Wallyworld, aren’t you?
1. August 5th is National Underwear Day.
2. In Thailand, “going commando” is illegal.
3. Japan had underwear vending machines until 1993.
4. Nearly 25% of women in Arkansas said they have a “spare” pair of underwear in their glove box.
5. Cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear. Chocolate is the least popular.
6. Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.
7. The first TV commercials with real models wearing bras and panties didn’t appear on national television until 1987.
8. 40% of men choose briefs. 26% go for boxer briefs. Only 5% choose thongs. (Thank heaven for small favors).
9. It is illegal to hang male and female underwear next to each other on a clothesline in Minnesota. (See, I knew washing our intimates together was how we made all these babies!)
10. Jack Singer of Warwick, NY, age 10, is the world-record holder as of June 13, 2010. Jack wore 215 pairs of underwear simultaneously, breaking the previous record of 200 pairs.
(If you win a lot of money on Jeopardy or Who Wants To Be A Millionaire with one of these tidbits, I expect you to share!)